The ham

The other day I came home for lunch and decided to put dinner in the oven for my family for that night. Derek had bought a ham a few days prior and I know how much Abigayle loves ham, so in the oven it went at 12:30. I figured by 5:30 it would be just right to eat.

I picked the girls up from my mom's on the way home from work and said "Guess what's for dinner?" from Abigayle "Ohhh, please be ham, please be ham!!!!"

Me: "It's haaaaaammmmmmmm!!!"

And then from the backseat "Ham,ham,hammmhammhahammm" Ah, the ham song!

Walking in the door, it smelled so yummy! The girls quickly set the table and I went for the oven, pulling the roasting pan out and setting it on top of the stove, holding my breath in anticipation as I lifted the lid and . . . .
What the??????, beneath the lid lay  black,charred, blown-out  remains of what was once  a ham.

 Abigayle walked over "What's wrong with it?" tears welling in her eyes.

Now, I've never claimed to be  Paula Dean or Rachel Ray, but come on! How does one  mess up a PRE-COOKED HAM??, maybe that was the problem, the pre-cooked part, maybe it didn't need to bake in a 350 degree oven for the better part of five hours, but I was not defeated, at least not yet!

I smiled, "Oh, it just looks funny, it will taste good!"

So, I started to cut, and instantly knew this was only going to get worse. Derek walked over and grabbed a piece and in his mouth it went and just as quickly, out it came. "We're not eating that."

Abigayle crying now, "I wanted haaaammmmmmmmm!"

So out  came the good old  hot dogs and white bread, and as we sat down to eat, my wonderful husband looked around "Hey Abigayle, you could have cooked this meal."


"I'm not old enough to use the microwave!!!"

Insulted,  I chimed in " You know, it doesn't really matter what we're eating, as long as we are together, and had you (you being Derek) not bought such a cheap ham, I'm sure we would be eating it right now." Ha! my only defense, the quality of the ham and the price paid for it, because  we all know it wasn't my fault it charred beyond the point of recognition.

Abigayle looked at me, then back over at the stove "That looked like the rear end of a donkey"

Really? Because I've never seen the rear end of a donkey.

And then from  Derek "Rear end of a donkey blown up like the fourth of July"

Looking at Amelia to see what kind words a  five  year old had for my attempt at a family meal and she smiled her toothy grin and  said "These hot dogs are the best!"

Amen to that!