I swear...literally

Yeah, I have been known to have a potty mouth around our house- I am not proud of this and trust me I have been working on it for YEARS, YEARS I tell ya! I realized it was a problem about a year and a half ago. Now,  I'm not talking about the F-word or using the
Lord's name in vain, Heavens NO! I'm talking about good old sh*t, h*ll, a**hole and da*n*t...yeah I know those are still bad but completely useful when you want to get your point across....like "Why does this house smell like an old man's a**???" or "How the h*ll, did all my underwear get in the kids dirty laundry basket???"


Anyway, so yeah, about a year and a half ago the kids and I were eating dinner and I was telling them about a Jentzen Franklin sermon I had been listening to and how people think of themselves one way but should ask their family how they see them in relationship to God....so all three of the kids put me in the middle chair...I was appalled!!! I thought of myself in a chair closer to God so I asked them why and they all said "Because you swear!" ARGH......I wanted to yell "The h*ll I do!!" but I didn't I just said "oh whatever!" Then Bella, in her little Bella voice said "I want to pray for you at school, about your swearing, but I'm too embarrassed so after chapel I go in the bathroom and pray for you"....My heart sank about 1,000 feet, oozed out of my body and quivered on the cold hard floor. I was devastated! Befuddled I tell you!I vowed from that moment forward that I would try very, very hard to control my evil tongue.

My grandma use to always warn me of the evilness of the tongue, I never really understood what she meant until I was older and boy oh boy was it hitting home now. 1 Peter 3:10 " whoever would love life and see good days must keep their tongue from evil and their lips from deceitful speech." So I vowed and I prayed and I started saying things like "oh my stars", "what the frick", "dag-nab-it!" and "son of a biscuit!"... you get the picture! And I am doing really really well with this, until I get super upset or frustrated... like the other day- Caicos would not sit after she did something wrong (yeah, I make her sit and be good when she has been naughty) so I got a little frustrated with her and said "you are being a little sh*thole!" The gasps, the sucking in of air that came from the peanut gallery of 3 "MOM!!!!!" **gulp..."I'm sorry...so sorry!" Now I was apologizing after Caicos was the one being a turd...

For a while, I was saying "Hokey Pete!!" and my sister, I won't mention which one, said "You sound like a real a**hole, and you are really irritating me with all this Hokey Pete... I am going to punch you in the face if you keep saying it!"...."Well, Hokey Pete to you too". Some people just don't appreciate the fine art of speaking eloquently...sheesh. In fact, I may call her right now just to Hokey Pete her....

I will say this new verbiage is rubbing off on the kids. It was around 1:30 a.m. one night, I was sound asleep only to be awaken by a loud banging and screeching, I sat straight up in bed and then heard "OH HECK TO THE NO !!!!YOU MOTHER TRUCKER!!!!" I rubbed my eyes and thought "Dear God am I dreaming??", more banging and then "DIE YOU HECKING HO!!!!!" I jumped out of bed to find Abigayle running from her room in sheer panic "GO KILL IT NOW!!!!" Kill what??? My stars, what the heck was happening?? And then I was told "There is a hecking mother trucker spider in my room, KILL ITTTTTTTTT!!!!!"... I went in there and I kid you not, the "mother trucker" was a microscopic teeny tiny little itty bitty spider... which died when I whispered "Boo".... But I was thoroughly impressed with Abigayle's choice of words and patted myself on the back for parenting well done, well done in deed!

So, to make this very clear, I am definitely a work in progress and our home is much better without those swear words, my verbal touretts...I promise you I pray and pray about it and my kids keep me accountable....I go weeks now without a swear word and I am very proud of this...it's the small things, dag-nab-it!