A mother has no privacy!

This past Sunday I realized that, as a mother, I have forgone any entitlement to privacy. Upon recollection of events, this should have came as no surprise.

I was answering a "call of nature" in the bathroom when the door knob began to wiggle feverishly, and from outside the door " mommy, let me in!"

" uh, don't think so, Amelia, mommy's busy.. . " and then nothing. I thought she had walked away when I was bolted back to reality with a thunderous banging on the door. Now, I don't think this needs to be said for all who know me, but for those of you who don't -- I am a "closet pooper" -- I have a very difficult time if someone is within 50 yards of the bathroom, I require my privacy! So this thunderous banging on the door was not conducive to my activities.

But oh no,it didn't stop there, the banging was followed by " Derek!!! can you unlock the bafroom door?Mommy's in there and won't let me in!" Good God!!! I screeched "DO NOT UNLOCK THAT DOOR!!!!" I know that the only reason Amelia wanted in at that moment was to sit on my lap and have me sing "this little piggy" which I have done,but that was when it was just the two of us home! Have you ever tried to use the bathroom with a four year old sitting on your lap? Not so productive, and I speak from experience.

So this event, made me question my privacy-- it reminded me of a morning about two months ago. I was in the shower before work, before anyone else in the house was up , eyes closed, facing the shower head thinking of everything I had to get done that day. I turned around, with my eyes still closed and then opened them to look for the shampoo-- and there stood Abigayle, my 7 year old daughter, butt- naked smiling at me, "Hi mommy." Upon recovering slightly from the massive coronary I just had, I tried to say something but waited as my heart rate lowered to a leisurely 800 beats per minute, "Abigayle, what are you doing?"

-- And hey , Abigayle you realize you just took 20 good years off mommy's life right????

The response was so sweet I couldn't help but let her stay in the shower with me -" I just wanted to be close to you.. . " So I turned back around to finish showering, thinking this really is sweet of her , until, upon my back came the lashings of "sharkie" the girls prized rubber shark tub toy. If you've never been whipped with a rubber device, I don't suggest trying it at 7:00 a.m. in the morning with wet skin. I gave in to defeat that morning and had nothing to say, except excusing myself from the lovely mother-daughter bond that just took place, dripping wet , with a heart that was now as healthy as a 200 year old oxen.

These two events along with the parading of my bras stuffed with nerf balls, the informative discussions with the ex husband about my body parts that nature has so eagerly aged, the snickering when I'm caught off guard changing, the rifling through my purse for change, the editing of my pictures on my camera (see above) .. . when does it give??? Can't I have one, just one ,trip to the bathroom in private? Or did I give that up for 18 years?