Sad. . . . .

Today is Amelia's last day of preschool. In three short months she will be in kindergarten, all day-- and it is now that I realize I have lost any opportunity to be a stay at home mom with my children, and this hurts. I wanted nothing more than that when I had Abigayle, but I put my dreams aside and continued going to work day in , day out to support my family. When Amelia came along I thought I would finally be able to be home with the girls and that thought was quickly squashed as I headed back to work 12 weeks later. Luckily I lived close to work and was able to go home at lunch to see them, but that just made me want to be home all the more, as I would leave knowing that my sister, or my mom got to be with my babies all day (to them, this may not have been the joy I saw it as!) When the girls and I moved during the divorce, I pretty much knew that I would never  be a stay at home mom, as I was now their sole provider-- and that sugar daddy I dreamt about-- he never did come along :(

So now, as I prepare to take Amelia to school, knowing that her preschool days are over I just want to cry, in fact I am-- because it's yet another milestone to growing up. So, someday I will let the girls know, that even though I wasn't able to be home with them when they were younger, my heart always was-- and if weren't for a need for food, shelter and clothing-- I would have been home, everyday!

And to all of the stay at home moms-- lucky you, I am envious.