Precious life

This life is so short and I am quickly realizing that as my 40th birthday approaches. I look back over my life and memories from 20 years ago seem like just yesterday. So it's no surprise that an event from a year ago is still so fresh and new. There is much debate over when life truly begins, I suppose it can be a matter of opinion. And my opinion is that life begins at conception- when God gives life to something that would not otherwise grow. I suppose it would be easier if I believed different.

I lost you a year ago. I never got to hold you in my arms, but I held you with my heart. I know you knew I loved you, I know you knew I wanted you, I know this because I told you from the beginning and I know you felt it from inside.

Not one day has gone by that I didn't think about how you would have fit in to this family. I think about it in the morning when I'm getting myself and three kids ready. . . usually my thought is "imagine if there was a baby here too. . . ." I think about it when I get us all in the car, "where would I put another car seat?" I think about you when I walk past the infant room at childcare and imagine you would have been in there. Mostly though I think about you in the shower, when my mind goes blank and I'm at ease- I've held you in my mind and I've kissed you a thousand times. I comfort myself by knowing that the time just wasn't right- maybe you chose to watch over me from above rather than physically by my side.

I love you. . . .