A Birthday Morning. . .

I have come to realize in the past few weeks that I may be creating two monsters, my dear little Abigayle and Amelia. To some, mhm Marie, this may come as no surprise.

 It was the morning of Amelia's 5th birthday and I couldn't wait to wake her and Abigayle up with breakfast in bed. I had set my alarm early so I could get ready for work and still have time to do some birthday celebrating before getting the girls ready for school. I made "birthday toast" cut into beautiful hearts and butterflies with cookie cutters, cut up some yummy fruit, added whipped cream and put milk in sippy cups--  I lit the birthday candles on the birthday cupcakes and carried all of this into the bedroom singing "Happy Birthday"  and  was greeted with "GO AWAY!!! I'M TOO TIRED, UHHHH MOMMMMMY!!!!"

"But sweety it's your birthday, I made yummy breakfast!"

So they both sat up and looked at their tray's, Amelia squished up her face "UHHHHHH!! you cut the crust offffff??????????" then from Abigayle "You know I don't like milk in a sippy cup, I can't drink that!!!!!"

I held my breath and kept positive, after all, it was early. "Well, I can make some more and not cut the crust off? do you want juice instead?"

And from the girls "no we'll just eat the cupcakes"

So, my hard work at preparing the birthday breakfast went unnoticed and I was starting to think Unappreciated!

"How about opening some presents Amelia?"

That made her smile and after opening a few  she got to  the one gift I was most excited about I held my breath and waited for the "YES!!! I wanted this so bad, thank you Mommy!!!" 

But no, that is not what happened next. Instead her face turned red and she glared at me with beady brown eyes and from her 5 year old mouth out came "YOU weren't suppose to get me this!!!! Mama Mary is getting me this, I TOLD YOU THAT!!!!! Now I won't be happy when I open hers cause YOU already got it for me!!!!WAH!!!!!!!!!!"(fake crying)

Realllyyyy? People act like this????

Instantly I thought to myself, "I'm either going to grab each  and  every hair on my head right now and rip them out one by one in front of these little beings that certainly resemble my children but are acting afool and have drove mommy off the rails of the crazy train OR I'm going to burst into tears", fortunately, I did neither.

Abigayle quickly chimed in "I'm happy, mommy, I love the breakfast, I think these gifts are awesome, I like the toast, you look so pretty this morning!"

Ahhh, a smart one who recognizes the look of complete defeat! Thank you Abigayle for getting the  crazy train back on track!

Amelia quickly followed with "I like your hair"

She wears short shorts!

And so it happened today~ I half heartedly went to Rite-Aid in seek of Nair (yes hair removal) for my eight year old daughters legs. You see, when you have Mexican roots, your body hair is not blond and easily camouflaged, it is dark and very noticeable.

 I didn't think at eight years old though that Abigayle would notice such petty things, but alas, she did  and asked me to shave them. I declined and then my sister-thanks Marie!- suggested getting some Nair.

As soon as we got home Abigayle couldn't wait to get in the bathroom and rid herself of this excess foliage. So, we read the directions and on it went, smelling like rotten vegetation-- Who knew!

After 10 minutes we rinsed her get away sticks and viola- they emerged looking  like a squirrel with mange.

 "uh-- Abigayle, I don't think we left it on long enough"

 "yeah we did, I don't care anyway, it looks gooooood!"

So- she, who was petrified of embarrassment from natural hairy looking legs, is glorified, THRILLLED, with sparse patches of mange like looking hair sprouting from her legs--

I don't get it.

Halleluiah!! Let summer break begin!!!

One week into summer break and the payoffs are :
* The  kids have  forgone  a bath 3 days in a row

* There is no longer a mad panic to find matching socks for the kids in the morning--- ah the glory of flip flops!!

*Hot dogs on the grill have  become a nightly meal

* Vitamins with brain boosting Omega 3's???-- who needs them!!!-- it's summer let those brains turn to mush!!!

Bring on week two!!!!

Sad. . . . .

Today is Amelia's last day of preschool. In three short months she will be in kindergarten, all day-- and it is now that I realize I have lost any opportunity to be a stay at home mom with my children, and this hurts. I wanted nothing more than that when I had Abigayle, but I put my dreams aside and continued going to work day in , day out to support my family. When Amelia came along I thought I would finally be able to be home with the girls and that thought was quickly squashed as I headed back to work 12 weeks later. Luckily I lived close to work and was able to go home at lunch to see them, but that just made me want to be home all the more, as I would leave knowing that my sister, or my mom got to be with my babies all day (to them, this may not have been the joy I saw it as!) When the girls and I moved during the divorce, I pretty much knew that I would never  be a stay at home mom, as I was now their sole provider-- and that sugar daddy I dreamt about-- he never did come along :(

So now, as I prepare to take Amelia to school, knowing that her preschool days are over I just want to cry, in fact I am-- because it's yet another milestone to growing up. So, someday I will let the girls know, that even though I wasn't able to be home with them when they were younger, my heart always was-- and if weren't for a need for food, shelter and clothing-- I would have been home, everyday!

And to all of the stay at home moms-- lucky you, I am envious.

To Abigayle

My beautiful daughter. . . .  you came into my life eight  short years ago and have forever changed me and I thank God every day for you.

I can't believe you are eight.  Sometimes when your hair is pulled back in a ponytail and you are playing,  I'll catch a glimpse of you  from when you were two  or even three and it takes my breathe away--where has time gone?

Today I was lucky enough to be able to come to school and sit with you and your friends while you ate lunch together  and then go out to recess with you, and all the while I kept thinking that someday you won't want me around, you won't want to  hold my hand in front of your friends and it saddens me-- so I am going to enjoy it while I can.

I hope you had a happy birthday baby girl--  even though birthdays are happy days, thinking about you growing up is so sad to me and I hope you will always know that no matter where life takes you, mommy will always be here waiting and more in love with you each and every day!

Happy Birthday Abigayle !

Mother's Day

With Mother's day only a day away, I felt inspired to say something about it. I was actually born on Mother's day, whether or not this was a gift to my own Mother I have never quite figured out. Imagine a day honoring you and you get to spend it cramped up, with your uterus spasming hoping to die-- sounds lovely. So into the world I came-- and have since left a trail of terror through my mother's life.

There was the time when I was five and was forced to drag my tag-a-long two year old sister, Marie, with me  out to collect chicken eggs from the coop, upon leaving the coop I instructed her to go back in and get the last one, as she did I locked the door from the outside and headed back to the house, never looking back-- This event resulted in me getting a chance to "see what it was like" as I was shut in a dark closet-- Really?? can you do that to children?

When I was about eight I patiently encouraged my mothers accordion "lessons" as a creosol fire roared through our wood burning stove -- events related? I doubt it-- However, the sounds she was making with that accordion could have drowned out the cries of a dying cat, and my sisters and I sat politely  listening for a very long time, had we said "you suck!" the chimney may have never caught fire.

The teen years were the worst...

I believe the time I ran away was ,by far, the icing on the cake. Technically, I still don't see it as "running away", I flat out asked if I could go. Being a 15 year old, I knew everything about everything and decided that even if she told me "no" I had every right to pack into a van  full of smelly hippies, drive from Michigan to Colorado and live in a shack with no running water.Ah the good life! I was gone for a few weeks. . did I once think about the years I was taking off my mom and dad's lives? Yeah right! I was having fun! Until.. . I wanted to shower, until a huge red spider slipped into my mouth in the middle of the night and sucked blood from my lip, until I realized that one can't survive on $68, until I realized my underarm hair was long enough to braid-- so I called home, and was told to get to the airport, NOW!! and so,  I flew back home, smelling like a twelve day old fart and looking like Charles Manson.

I never realized the pain I caused from that one incident until a few weeks back when my dad was retelling the story and said " Do you know how hard that was on me!!!?? I didn't sleep for days, BUT your mother did!!!" Not sure that made me feel better or worse???

Now that I am a Mother, I look back on these and several other events that I would be too embarrassed to share and think, if my  own Abigayle and Amelia even try to do some of the things that I did, I'm screwed. . .I see a lot of praying in my future!!!

So, to my Mother on Mother's day-- please forgive me for all the wonderful memories I was creating for myself and heart attacks I created for you-- LOve yOU!!!

Motherhood. . .

I tried to catch vomit this week-- with my bare hands. It was at the kid check at Chuck E. Cheese, the girls school was there having a fund raiser and we ready to eat some pizza!!-- that is until Abigayle went from excited and starving to a frail mess in about 2.2 seconds. I turned, only for a minute, to ask about a coupon and then turned back around to see Abigayle covered in puke, crying that she also pooped her pants.

WHAT??? Is this the same kid???  No time to answer that because she was going to puke again and all I could do was cup my hands and offer them as a puke catcher, "Here, my child. . . vomit on me, not the whimsical Chuck E. Cheese carpet. . . "

Later I slept with her on the pull-out couch, which has a mattress thickness comparative to a slice of cheese. However, it does not lack in its support system, which includes 3 large metal bars  right across the pressure points of an average size adult-- comfy.

Trying to make her feel better, I offered a pedicure, and she happily said "please" , as we were finishing up with  her now hot pink glittered toenails my mom stopped by and said "well, I wish I could lay on the couch and get a pedicure. . ." and I replied " I'll gladly give you one, if you go to Chuck E. Cheese, puke on  yourself and crap your pants  and have it witnessed by  30 of your friends . . . . "


She declined.